World Cup FwB #1: Oguchi ‘Gucci Mane’ Onyewu (USA)

Eyes on the ball eh, Oguchi?

Better late than never, I’m going to try my hand at getting together a team of eleven bearded footballers over in Seeth Efrica at the moment…(it’s proving difficult – too many clean-cut guys out there).

First up is the US centre-back Oguchi Onyewu – or ‘Gucci Mane‘ as his mates apparently call him. Presumably ’cause OGUCHI sounds like, err, GUCCI. not because he’s served time in jail for assault like the latter has. But whatever…

The boy’s currently got something like 50+ caps to his name for his country, and last weekend recorded a commanding performance against a sub-standard England side, alongside Watford centre-back Jay deMerit. Wikipedia tells me he’s the tallest outfield player in U.S. SOCCER TEAM HISTORY, a seriously mindblowing statistic. But what Wikipedia didn’t tell me is that he’s sporting a mega-beard at the moment.

Meanwhile at club level he represents AC Milan, or would’ve done had it not been for the season-ending knee injury back in October of last year. The 90 minutes he played against England on Saturday was his first real game time since then. So what’s a guy do when he’s failed to put in a shift all season for his club? Well, play for free. Gucci earned massive respect from PROPAH fans like me when he decided he’d play for nothing in the final year of his contract with the Rossoneri – ‘an exemplary gesture…’ said his employers!

The 28-year-old’s also spent time with Newcastle United, and five years in Belgium with Standard Liege. Unfortunately he played with Titus Bramble on Tyneside, so no wonder he didn’t make an impression. Thing is, Oguchi’s in South Africa right now, and looks set to play his part in the US’s final two group games against Slovenia and Algeria. I’m pretty sure he doesn’t give a shit what Bramble’s doing now.

Yeah, so not a bad a start on the WC FwB front – Onyewu’s effort will be difficult to beat. The combination of the thick ‘Mane’ (ahh) and the shaved head make for an almost comedic appearance, so here’s hoping he keeps it. The football’s been pretty dire so far, I don’t care much for the vuvezula talk, nor the FIRST ROUND BALL EVER shit, so the least we can hope for is some funny facial hair and that ehh?